Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Struggling Looking For SBS (Malang Branch Office)

Have you ever known what SBS is?? SBS stands for Sang Bintang School. I knew this from my classmate in campuss who is alumni from here. His name is Ata. He brought a lot of brochures to share with others when we were in canteen. For the first time, I wasn't interested in. I thought that I would go for my research and difficult to reset the schedule between research and having course (but until now I haven't started the research yet. Haha).

But the second, I just have been interested with after I asked Kukuh where he would have an English Course. He said that he would join SBS with Candra and he wanted to be like Ata who can speak English well and pass the scholarship test for several levels, the test was in English. And he invited me to join SBS too, because if we register for collective, we can get special discount. As many as people register, we can get more special discount. Haha. I like discount very much! :D

SBS is an English Course with a very tight schedule in a week, yeah, 4 times a week. And it will be held for 6 weeks. Well, it makes me interested more to join SBS, because I think it's good when we learn English by intensive time, so it will be a habit using English almost everyday. Realizing English is very important language for the global world, I need to enhance my speaking ability, not only learning for writing, reading and listening well, and the grammar and so on.

Because I loved to get special discount, I should invite more friends. Rizka had joined to IBC to have English Course, but Uti and Fatifa didn't. They were also interested in joining SBS and about the special discount too. Hehe. What a woman! :p

Then the struggling to seek for SBS Branch Office of Malang begin. Jreng jreng! Here is the story. First time, Uti, Fatifa, and I looked for the office in behind Sardo area by car. But the result was nihil. Then, we phoned Kukuh and texted Ata also, they said that the office was moved. Behind Sardo area is the old office, and the new one is near the back gage of UIN Maliki Campuss. So, we went there, but still nihil. We decided to re-look for the office to get more information of the course on the day after.

And after we had a lesson in campuss, Uti and I looked for the office by car. And for the several times, we couldn't find it! Ugh! Then, we decided to re-look for on the day after. Maybe it was because we search by car, so we couldn't find. Better if we looked for by motorcycle. So, on the day after, again and again, we looked for it. We guessed the office was next to Kedai Santai, the new "ruko" area. But we were still doubt, so we continued to look for the old office, hoping to get information of the new one. We asked some people, but we couldn't find the old office. Sigh. Because the sun was shining extremely hot, we decided to go back to the "ruko" we had guessed first. And the result was TRUE!

I entered the office after Uti, and I started nagging to whom which on the office. I said, "why don't you give the sign that here is the new office of SBS?? I have been looking for for 3 days, only wants to know more information about SBS. Better if you give the sign out there, so, whoever can find easily this office. >.< Sigh!". But he only smiled. Then he gave us the brochure and explained the scedule and the learning system in SBS. -..-"

The next week after, I informed the others and we agreed to join SBS. First time joining SBS was doing the pre test. Ooh, it was so a lot! I ought to do the test which is consist of 1500 vocabulary, grammar, and so on, also interview. I did it about 4 days, and after those, I and others played "Mafia War" game. Haha, it was funny! I like the game, guessing and disguising! :D

-----That's the first story "Struggling Looking For SBS"-----

*to be continue*

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Capture of Me (on The Red)

Well, I haven't post about my Eid day. As usual, I only post what I wanna post, always depending on my mood. Ooh what a moody girl! ;) My Blog always in random posting, sometimes it's not correspond between the date happening and the date posting. Yeah random, like this. hehe :p

Yeah, I had gone to Kebumen, my daddy's town, visited relatives and my grandma also. And the 1st Eid day, I went to Van Der Wijck Fortress there with my lovely sister, about 30 minutes to reach by car from the center of town.

Haa, it's a wonderful fortress I think. Red Fortress, as my outlook on that day. Hahaha. :D
With a minimalist preparing to go to Kebumen from my house in Malang, I only brought red batik adopting kimono design (wide sleeves characteristic) and black trousers, not jeans. No accessories, only brown belt and my orient wristwatch. Just so simple outlook. So simple! I had no time to prepare a lot for the special day. Didn't buy new cloth or mix match my old clothes. :(
But here they are. All are captured by my sister :)

Before entered the fortress, these captured in other side, outside the fortress.

Then, entering the fortress..

This is inside the fortress. Looks like a school I think. Hehehe. It's cool whenever there's a school like this, even it's a bit hideous. :p

These the capture of me inside the fortress :)

Well, it would be better if I did enough preparation, and should be better more if I wore long black maxi skirt and my yellow wedges, also wore more accessories like ring and ethnic necklace. hmm.. What do you think?!

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

My Boyfriend May Not Be My Last

Have you ever thought this, "My Boyfriend May Not Be My Last"?
If you ask me, I will say "Yes, I have".

That's why I've been still single since over a year ago. I decided to be a single because I thought that he may not be my last. A relationship which I build for years can be failed. It could be OVER! So how can I stand on the day when it is over?!! I can't imagine how broken my heart will be. I'm afraid of this so much. It's not about I don't think positively, but I aware that everything can be happened, bad or good. I only get ready for the worst.

So many feelings I felt, tired, bored, and sick of the condition, the dispute also. I thought that many many things are more important to think and to do than to think the dispute itself. Simple problem sometimes which was not really important, such as jealousy, worried about him, and many more.

I may not mature enough to have a serious relationship to a boy who may not mature enough too. That's what the dispute was come up and it wasted my time so much. Timing that should be productive, I wasted just to think over it. Sigh. Tiring me! A very useless thing!

Over a year ago, my relationship was over. I braced up to take a turning point to my relationship. I said to him to break up and concern onto the duties, study, family, friends, so on. So tired of all things. I probably needed being alone and corcerned to those. I have many obsessions to make those real, then I start to think about relationship with a kind and serious guy, good in attitude and his religion also, can be him or other man.

I told him for many times, but he didn't want to break up. He'd do everything to keep our relationship if we sure it would be the last. But I wasn't in same thinking. Too long timing of relationship only make the relationship become saturated, and boring coz it would be filled by the dispute, jealousy, and suspiciousness. Sigh. I need to be free, as I was a kid, hehe, I mean as I was in high school. Feel free making friend as much as I can without worrying someone will be jealous at me.

In a difference thinking and there was no steady decission, suddenly a friend of him sent me a private message, asked for my relationship with him was still in or not, for confirmation. Then I returned ask why he asked me about it, coz I didn't know his importance of my relationship was. But after that, his answer shocked me a lot! He (my exboyfriend) had made new relationship to other girl! Wow, I was really thankful to his friend of the shocking information. I hurted enough, and wondered why he did it?! Otherwise several days before he still begged for changing of my decission to break up. Sigh!

It was more than enough to make me stayed away from him. In one side, the relationship ended as my decission, but other side I still could not believe why should this end badly. Yeah, badly, coz when I tried to confirm about his new relationship with that girl he didn't confess, till his new girlfriend texted me and confess all. "Why weren't you honest?". Honesty is better than lying, and I can be more appreciate to those who is honest.

Months passed. I admitted all the bad things that happen. I changed my wound into wisdom. Then, on my 20th birthday, he texted me, sent me private message too. But I didn't replied those at all. Forgiving him had been done, but I didn't know my heart feeling said, "not now". One day maybe I will repair, I will appear as his friend. But not on that moment.

A month after that, I tried to contact him. I felt so sorry of his condition that feeling guilty so much to me although I had said that I have forgiven all things at the past. He said that he break up may it because of karma. Then he knew what my feeling in that position, when someone leave us without saying anything reason about it, it hurts A LOT! That's why he said it may a karma, coz he felt the same I had felt. I felt that hewass so down, so I suggested him to join an ESQ Training licensed by Ari Ginanjar Agustian, hope it would be able to him to accept the real situation that was happened. A Spiritual Quotion is better used when we have a problem. I think so. :)

And Alhamdulillah, he got better effect after joining the training. I also happy to hear that. Then until now we have lived in our own life nevertheless we are good friend, no matter one day he will be my mate or not. I enjoy friendship a lot! :)

maybe you don't take same decission like me, coz it'll be shocking your boy/girlfriend when you suddenly want to break your relationship up. hehehehe :p
So I suggest for everyone now, "she/he may not be your last" so may you stop loving him/her too much, (noted : TOO MUCH). That's why Islam teach us to not love everything onto Allah too much, coz none will guarantee that you'd never feel hurt, and Allah may be jealous to you. Yeah, and it will prevent you from  feeling hurt too deep, when the worst thing happen as you don't expect before. :)

Friday, December 02, 2011

I Wish It's Not Pneumonia

Ya Allah, I feel today is my worst day. :(

After I couldn't asleep last night, got up really late, so I didn't do anything, just cooked fried rice for myself, then read some articles. Oh wasting so much time I think today for a very useless thing. sigh. What a fool..
And the bad one, the impact of those is my health. I got shortness of breath, again, throughout the day. Shortness of breath is one of several pneumonia symptom. :(

I wish I get it no more, NO MORE! I can't do anything when suffering. Just lay on the bed, hold on to take deep breath because of difficulty breathing.

Ya Allah, reinforce me to face this, I don't want suffer this again. TT^TT

I should make a change, to be responsible to my own body. I must go asleep now. I wish it will be better for tomorrow. Please Allah, take this suffering out. I need breathing normally. *~*

How To Pray 5 Times A Day With A Busy Work Schedule

I repost this from May be useful for everyone who visit my blog. :)

Before I genuinely began to cultivate and nurture my relationship with God, I regarded the five daily prayers that Islam enjoins on believers as laborious. It seemed impractical to expect that I would be able to stop what I was doing during my busy work schedule to take time out and pray.
Working as a news wire journalist, I was often spending upwards of 10 hours a day in the office or at conferences, interviews and meetings, barely able to make time for a lunch break. If I wasn't working, my time was divided between house chores, errands, family and friends, and exercise. I was punctual with everything in my life, except that I was late five times a day.
In my mind, it was not viable to expect that I could wake up before the crack of dawn to pray the early-morning prayer, fajr, otherwise I would be too tired to work effectively later that morning. It also seemed inefficient to interrupt my work meetings to prayduhr, the mid-day prayer, and asr, the afternoon prayer.
Making the sunset prayer maghrib was often a challenge because the window to pray is typically quite short and coincides with the time between finishing work, having dinner and returning home. So, in effect, the only prayer that was feasible for me to pray on time was isha, the evening prayer. For most of my life, thus, I would at best pray all five prayers in the evening, or skip prayers here and there to accommodate my immediate commitments.
Without realising it, my inconsistency and approach to praying trivialised the principle behind performing prayers throughout the day. I believed in God and loved Him, but on my own terms, not on the terms very clearly set out in the Quran and Prophetic teachings. Yet praying the five daily prayers, at their prescribed times, is the backbone of being a Muslim; we cannot stand upright in our faith without them. It is one of the essential practices that God has called on those who endeavour to live in Islam, a state of existence whereby a human strives to live in submission to God.
When I came to truly understand the importance of prayer, the realisation was both overwhelming and quick. It dawned on me that if I was not fulfilling this precondition, then I really could not claim to be Muslim. Even if I desired to have a solid connection with the Almighty I was not taking the necessary steps to do so. I promptly reoriented my life and it has now been a year and a half that I have not intentionally missed a prayer time, whether I am in the office, mall, grocery store, out with friends or travelling.
Looking back, I see how wrong I was about the impracticality of Islamic prayers, which are succinct and straightforward notwithstanding their resonance. When I moved from trying to fit prayers into my life to fitting my life around my prayer schedule, I instantly removed a great deal of clutter from my daily routine. Since regular prayer promotes emotional consistency and tranquillity, I began to eliminate excess negativity and cut down on unnecessary chitchat, helping me be more focused, productive and patient.
Over a short period of time, what amazed me was how easy and fluid the prayers became. Performing the early-morning prayer actually gave me a burst of energy during the day and, gradually, the prayers that I had initially perceived as cumbersome became an essential facet of my routine. With God's help, I would find ways to make a prayer regardless of the hurdles. While in Canada for the summer, I would often catch duhr prayer in a department store fitting room, with the help of a handy Islamic prayer compass application on my Iphone.
"'Verily the soul becomes accustomed to what you accustom it to.' That is to say: what you at first burden the soul with becomes nature to it in the end."
This is a line drawn from a magnificent book I am in the process of reading by great Islamic thinker Al-Ghazali, entitled "Invocations and Supplications: Book IX of the Revival of Religious Sciences." Al-Ghazali describes a series of formulas, drawn from the Qur'an and Hadith, which we can repeat to help us attain greater proximity to the divine and purify our hearts.
At each turn in my quest to enrich my faith, I have found that what at first appears difficult becomes easy when performed with sincerity. Soon after I reoriented my life to revolve around prayer, the five prayers felt insufficient in expressing my devotion. I examined Hadith, or the traditions of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, and discovered there were optional prayers I could add to my routine. Since then, I have not let a day pass without praying them.
To supplement my prayers, I have integrated various zikr, or remembrance and mentioning of God, into my days.Zikr, including repeating such phrases as "la illa ha il Allah" (There is no God but God), habitually draws our attention back to God.
Among the many rich invocations mentioned in Ghazali's book is this one which I have started to incorporate. As we leave our houses each day, if we say "In the name of God" (Bismillah), God will guide us; when we add "I trust in God" (Tawakalt al Allah), God will protect us; and if we conclude with "There is no might or power save with God" (La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah), God will guard us.

I suppose to an outsider, these acts of devotion can appear a bit obsessive, and I have had a couple of people say this to me. Yet it is an obsession with the greatest possible consequences that can improve rather than disintegrate one's disposition. The more time I devote to God, the greater the peace of mind I find filling my life and the more focused I become on what is important -- such as treating my family and friends honourably, working hard in my job, giving charity with compassion and generosity, and maintaining integrity.
Remembering God throughout the day, through prayer and invocation, truly does polish the heart as Hadith teaches; you erase obstructions that would impede faith in its purest form.
"Truly when a man loves a thing, he repeatedly mentions it, and when he repeatedly mentions a thing, even if that may be burdensome, he loves it," writes Ghazali.
By Daliah Merzaban

Bad Habit, Come Again :(

Ow my gosh! What time is it now?? Still awake, I can't go asleep!!!!

Actually I've got like insomnia recently about a month, again. I exactly realize that's so very very bad for me, remembering the disease I got months ago, pneumonia. :(
Oh Allah, I really don't want those happen to me anymore, but I can't move on last time.. Really I want to be better. I really really really hate my habit, but I still do nothing! I must force myself, but I can't. So weak! :(

Now is the 2nd day of last month of this year. But until now, I'm not changing a lot to go sleeping early. Feeling so sorry about myself cannot wake up early too. sigh. So sad!! :(
How can achieve my obsession, when I'm still in bad habit?! I hate this a lot, not discipline, wasting so much time to a useless thing! I'm missing when I was just a kid right now. A very different of me now. TT^TT
I'm really really missing to be "vivi" right now....

Anyone could help me, maybe?? :(
God, please, reinforced me to a better way of life, not like this.